Attack!!!

Wa koy lingaw.. obviously.

d ka malain?


cheating guide!

dah, up yours! :p

(i closed the site where i got these so sorry, no copyright infringement intended! :D)

The Most Touching Divorce Letter

To all the women who serve as wives, holler!!! You might be interested in this!

Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you
that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you
for seven years andI have nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the
last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t
even notice that I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal and even wore
a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore;
you don’t want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you
don’t love me anymore; whatever the
case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER
and I are moving away to West Virginia together!Have a great life!

——————————————————————————–

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your letter. It’s true that you and Ihave been married for seven years,although a good man is
a far cry from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining and
griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut
last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was ‘You look just like a
girl!’
Since my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can’t say something
nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and
I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you
and felt that we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the
letter you wrote ensures you won’t get
a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you
this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that’s not a
problem.

Credit

A stupid confession from a procrastinator

It has been two years since I graduated from college.
I have had two employers already.
First job: 3 months (intern 6 months prior)
Second job: almost 9 months

so?

SO...

I am supposed to be an SSS member already. Correct? SUPPOSEDLY
Taxpayer? Well, definitely YES. They have been deducting my salary.. I remember they gave me a form that was already filled up, but then I can't remember what that was for. They just actually showed how much I was paying the government. Really, I SWEAR, at that time, I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT. Sorry-

Anyways, here's the story of my uneventful employed life that was.

Let's start from the very beginning (a very good place to start....)

When I filed for graduation in college, I found out that the wrong spelling in my first name (the infamous letter "E", na ang siyang ugat ng aking kamalasan). It was 2006. Anyway to cut the long story short, and to spare you from all the frustrations that I felt that time, I was finally able to graduate (my diploma actually said that it was "Mavilene S. G. Bas" or something like that that graduated. They actually murdered my name (which is a different issue that I have to attend to once I end this lagim).

Anyway, the thing is that I processed everything. I am proud to say that I did everything on my own. As in, ON MY OWN! wooohoooo! Of course, with help from some people, namely, Atty. Nollora (the dad, not the son, hahah!), and the typist guy in front of USC main (and he still says hi to me everytime he sees me walking sa kilid kilid, feeling close kau si manong.. :p). My parents were too busy to help me that time. No fixing or anything of that sort. BUT, BUT, and BUT! I'm pretty sure that I accomplished everything.. except for the last part. I have always been wondering, why, it has been two years since, but I haven't claimed my corrected birth certificate. I always wonder why. Was it because, because, or because? Why?

And then I attempted many times. And the main office was closed. Asa na diay ang NSO? BTW, I can't "order" my birth certificate online, through e-census because of the correction thingy. I found out it was in TALISAY CITY HALL na! Yooohooords! Malakaw ra sa amua! But duha ka tuig na ang nilabay, NALAKAW BA NAKO? Ang tubag- nag ningning nga WALA. Ug nganu man tawn oi. Pisting giatay nga manok. Ana na jud ko katapulan?

Good thing, when I enrolled again sa USC, they didn't ask for any chuva chuva because they have my records na man, so oks ra ang show.

In my first job... NVM!!!

Sa akong next na job, well, they gave me this list of requirements on my first day. They said that I needed to pass it, or else, I wouldn't be fully employed. That was because I had a one week training. UG KAY NAILAD KO. UG NAGTINAPOLAN SAB KO. Hangtud sa niresign ko, NAKASUBMIT BA KO UG ANYTHING? WALA!

SSS? -- eks eks eks!
TIN? -- xxx
Medicare chuva galore ek ek? -- xxx
PhilHealth? -- taman ra tawn ko sa form

I KNOW

I KNOW

Sala nko kai tapolan ra kau ang yours truly

pero HOW COME and HOW COME, naa man koy deductions? Asa man tawn to nilagpot. Ana sila ma credit ra daw na inig apply na jud nako. ATAAAAIIIII.. wa pa man jpon ko kaapply oi.. ahak bya ani-

BTW-- extrajudicial confession ni? AYAW TAWN KO PRISOHA.. haha

So ana ko, SUNOD NA LANG NA OI KUNG WA NAY EXAMS..
pag homan sa exam, SUNOD NA LANG NA OI KUNG WA NAI KLASE
pag wa nai klase, SUNOD NA NA OI IG TING KLASE KA WA KOY KWARTA!

dah! GABA KA INDAY MONETTE, unsa na ni karon.. hahah

nganu bitaw!

pero buotan man unta kaau kong nag dula ug CAKE MANIA dinhi, NGANUNG NAMROBLEMA MAN KO?

Tenenenenenne!!! Manabi ko!! :D haha

Nadawat na nako ang email kung saan nakalagay ang panuto (instructions, mao ba?) kung papano ako makakagawa ng online account sa isang unibersidad kung saan ako ay employed pansamantala. Ambot oi mao ba na. Basta, naa project somethingy. And ang akong bayad chuva galore is through bank to bank chuva ek ek.

Anyways, BANK TO BANK chuva ek ek?
May gas lamegas!
Karon na, wala man koy personal bank account.. hihihi nakikigamit na lang sa iba.. bwahaha

naa man to saona pero wa na man gud nako sudli. hahaha!
paila ra jud kong wa koy kwarta, busa ayaw mo palibre sa akoa. UG AYAW KO NINYU KIDNAPA! dahil manglugwa na lang ang mga mata ninyu, mang kulot na lang samot ang inyung mga buhok sa ilok, WALA KOY MAHATAG!
akong ATM gi himu na lang ug ruler sa akong manghud ba.
And naa pa nko akong Maybank na ATM.haha Katong sa akong trabaho saona. hehe Dugang sa ruler collection?

So, I decided to open up a bank account with BDO.

Tsenen! At dala ko ang aking School ID and my initial deposit.
Tupad pa jud mi ni MAG TV girl, and ilahang gi chika chika, tapos ako kai murag uyamot nga pinunit sa dalan, Y LIGO, ahaha, sayu pa man beh, tapos nidretso na lang ko kai kalit kalit man to nga decision.

Then nakita ko..O_O

• Any TWO Primary IDs or ONE Primary and TWO Secondary IDs. Original and photocopy (front and back portion) of IDs
• 1×1 or 2×2 ID picture (2 pieces)
• Residence must be within the Branch area and with telephone line. If without telephone line, workplace should be within the Branch area and must present an Original Certificate of Employment.

PRIMARY IDs::

• Philippine Passport
• Foreign Passport with English characters/translations (and the holder must have residence address in the Philippines)
• Alien Certificate of Registration
• Driver’s License with validated Official Receipt from LTO
• PRC ID with License
• Green Card
• Company ID
• Student ID (Current Year) / School Registration Form
• New Social Security System (SSS) ID with picture
• New TIN card
• Locally issued Credit Card with Picture
• Senior Citizens ID

SECONDARY IDs::

• Foreign ID with picture issued by the country of origin
• Philippine Postal ID
• Firearms License with picture
• NBI Clearance with picture
• Voter’s ID
• Barangay Clearance with picture and dry seal
• Police Clearance with picture and dry seal
• POEA card with picture
• OFW card with picture

FOR JUNIOR SAVER’S CLUB

• 2 valid IDs of Parent/s or Guardian
• 1×1 ID picture of the Parent/s or Guardian and Child
• Original and Photocopy of Child’s Birth Certificate

These weren't posted on their website so I had no idea. credits to: Raych

Anyways, so yun.
WALA KOY PICTURE.
mao ra jud tawn to akong natiman-an..

until i checked again!
nyawards na ang show-

PRIMARY ID? DUHA?

pisti na ni pisti na ni.. haha

wala lage koy sss!
wala lage ko ana nila!!
dili na ko employed!!!

okay
so search ko

PASSPORT?
hehe, wa man ko ana oi. wa pa man gud nako nakita ang importance ana. me no jetsetter. me no money. puyo!

DRIVER's LICENSE?
I remember when I told ate donna i had a driver. she said sosyal. pistut. Drive A, C, D, and E. USB, gusto ka? wa ko ana geng... huhuhu

PRC?
mauwaw man sab ta ani oi.
management accounting. ahak bya ana nga kurso oi. d man ta matawag profs

COMPANY ID?
unemployed yot!

STUDENT ID?
with sling pa and ID case!! check check check!!!

SSS?
magsakit man sab atong dughan ani oi
unsa ang requirements sa SSS gani?
BIRTH CERTIFICATE
eks eks eks!

TIN CARD?
hala, rub it in!
BIRTH CERTIFICATE
eks eks eks!

cge daw, adto daw ta sa SECONDARY ID's, basin pa matabang-

Philippine Postal ID?
uhm.. cge, akong adtuon-
req: Barangay Clearance...

NBI Clearance with picture?
unsa gani to ang requirements ani?

Voter’s ID?
HALA! Pangutan-a ang COMELEC asa na to!

Barangay Clearance with picture and dry seal?
AKONG ADTUON UNYA.

Police Clearance with picture and dry seal?
taga Talisay ko, asa ni kwaon?
lage, sa polis, sagpaon tika ron.. pero sa City Hall ni?

My point is--
WA KO KAKUHA ANI NA MGA ID's KAI ANG USUAL REQ IS THE BC OR SSS ID OR THE CEDULA

huhuhu

delinquent, i am.

mao ra to
muadto man unta ko karon 1:30 pero alas dos y medya na

NAG ULAN

unya na lang.. heee heee

or ugma

KAY WA KOY EXAM!!!!!


____________________
here's for a good read ai:
http://tsikot.yehey.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3604

Hollywood Actress

you are nicole kidman!

Going through the big yellow Hollywood directory, we'd be hard-pressed to find someone who flaunts a better combination of talent and beauty. Not only are you one of the best actresses of your generation, but you have the kind of clout in Tinseltown that allows you to foray into independent films without it hurting your image.

------------------------------------
In a different light, excuse me, but I beg to disagree.
I am a Katie Holmes. haha :D
I am the last love, I have the last laugh.
Yes, I am attracted to shorter men.
But still, I am a Katie Holmes rather than a Nicole Kidman.
An Angelina Jolie rather than a Jennifer Aniston :D

A letter to Bill Gates

I know this is corny but I only like the last part. Oh well, papel.. wala lang koi mabuhat kai exams namu ang i'm trying to amuse (?) myself. wa ko kasabot sa admin, oks? I got this from an email-

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling Windows ?

Carlo, please forgive me-

I wish Carlo Aquino will forgive me..
hahaha

NAA NA KOY BAG-O.. aw,

NAA KOY IDUGANG! hehe :D


shet, nag laway ko! hahahah :))


IÑAKI!

bwahahaha, wa ko'y lingaw.. :D