agony

and i thought i'd feel better

after the previous post i had, i thought things were turning out fine. after clearing things up i thought i knew everything. but still i am blind. to make matters worse, i just realized i lost the battle. no fight needed. one way or the other, i'd loose. i lost.

thinking about it, i ask myself. how did it come to this? i made myself think that i was going to be happy. i thought the things i did were making me happy. but no.

now i can't even express how i feel. i don't even know what i feel. how to feel.

just wait. maybe there's more. love perhaps? sadness. i'm waiting. i'll see.