Big en Small!

I just want to share this. Thoughtful kaau manugo akong mga igsuon!

dawbe, unsa man jud?
DAKO o GAMAY?
ate, wala na koy ink!
tin, pag chure ui!

You are not SICK. You are only THIRSTY...

Nganu diay?
wa lage ko kasabot?
LOW IQ?
ingna jud kai mangaway ko.
iksplini lang ku :D
haha

wa ku ka gets bai!

The Oscars oh nine!

hai nkow. so many movies to watch. mag judge2x sab kunuhay ta ba. basin mapareha ni Anne Curtis. Matingala lang ta nganung na Best Actres :D

Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences

- NOMINATIONS BY CATEGORY - 81ST AWARDS -

Performance by an actor in a leading role

• Richard Jenkins in "The Visitor" (Overture Films)
• Frank Langella in "Frost/Nixon" (Universal)
• Sean Penn in "Milk" (Focus Features)
• Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
• Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler" (Fox Searchlight)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Josh Brolin in "Milk" (Focus Features)
• Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder" (DreamWorks, Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
• Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Doubt" (Miramax)
• Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)
• Michael Shannon in "Revolutionary Road" (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage)

Performance by an actress in a leading role

• Anne Hathaway in "Rachel Getting Married" (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Angelina Jolie in "Changeling" (Universal)
• Melissa Leo in "Frozen River" (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Meryl Streep in "Doubt" (Miramax)
• Kate Winslet in "The Reader" (The Weinstein Company)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

• Amy Adams in "Doubt" (Miramax)
• Penélope Cruz in "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" (The Weinstein Company)
• Viola Davis in "Doubt" (Miramax)
• Taraji P. Henson in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
• Marisa Tomei in "The Wrestler" (Fox Searchlight)

Best animated feature film of the year

• "Bolt" (Walt Disney)Chris Williams and Byron Howard
• "Kung Fu Panda" (DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Paramount)John Stevenson and Mark Osborne
• "WALL-E" (Walt Disney)Andrew Stanton

Achievement in art direction

• "Changeling" (Universal) -Art Direction: James J. Murakami -Set Decoration: Gary Fettis
• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.) -Art Direction: Donald Graham Burt -Set Decoration: Victor J. Zolfo
• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.) -Art Direction: Nathan Crowley -Set Decoration: Peter Lando
• "The Duchess" (Paramount Vantage, Pathé and BBC Films) -Art Direction: Michael Carlin -Set Decoration: Rebecca Alleway
• "Revolutionary Road" (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage) -Art Direction: Kristi Zea -Set Decoration: Debra Schutt

Achievement in cinematography

• "Changeling" (Universal)

  Tom Stern

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Claudio Miranda

• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)

  Wally Pfister

• "The Reader" (The Weinstein Company)

  Chris Menges and Roger Deakins

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Anthony Dod Mantle

Achievement in costume design

• "Australia" (20th Century Fox)

  Catherine Martin

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Jacqueline West

• "The Duchess" (Paramount Vantage, Pathé and BBC Films)

  Michael O'Connor

• "Milk" (Focus Features)

  Danny Glicker

• "Revolutionary Road" (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage)

  Albert Wolsky

Achievement in directing

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  David Fincher

• "Frost/Nixon" (Universal)

  Ron Howard

• "Milk" (Focus Features)

  Gus Van Sant

• "The Reader" (The Weinstein Company)

  Stephen Daldry

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Danny Boyle

Best documentary feature

• "The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)" (Cinema Guild) A Pandinlao Films Production

  Ellen Kuras and Thavisouk Phrasavath

• "Encounters at the End of the World" (THINKFilm and Image Entertainment) A Creative Differences Production

  Werner Herzog and Henry Kaiser

• "The Garden" A Black Valley Films Production

  Scott Hamilton Kennedy

• "Man on Wire" (Magnolia Pictures) A Wall to Wall Production

  James Marsh and Simon Chinn

• "Trouble the Water" (Zeitgeist Films) An Elsewhere Films Production

  Tia Lessin and Carl Deal

Best documentary short subject

• "The Conscience of Nhem En" A Farallon Films Production

  Steven Okazaki

• "The Final Inch" A Vermilion Films Production

  Irene Taylor Brodsky and Tom Grant

• "Smile Pinki" A Principe Production

  Megan Mylan

• "The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306" A Rock Paper Scissors Production

  Adam Pertofsky and Margaret Hyde

Achievement in film editing

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall

• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)

  Lee Smith

• "Frost/Nixon" (Universal)

  Mike Hill and Dan Hanley

• "Milk" (Focus Features)

  Elliot Graham

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Chris Dickens

Best foreign language film of the year

• "The Baader Meinhof Complex" A Constantin Film Production - Germany
• "The Class" (Sony Pictures Classics) A Haut et Court Production - France
• "Departures" (Regent Releasing) A Departures Film Partners Production - Japan
• "Revanche" (Janus Films) A Prisma Film/Fernseh Production - Austria
• "Waltz with Bashir" (Sony Pictures Classics) A Bridgit Folman Film Gang Production - Israel

Achievement in makeup

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Greg Cannom

• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)

  John Caglione, Jr. and Conor O'Sullivan

• "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" (Universal)

  Mike Elizalde and Thom Floutz

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Alexandre Desplat

• "Defiance" (Paramount Vantage)

  James Newton Howard

• "Milk" (Focus Features)

  Danny Elfman

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  A.R. Rahman

• "WALL-E" (Walt Disney)

  Thomas Newman

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)

• "Down to Earth" from "WALL-E" (Walt Disney)

  Music by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman Lyric by Peter Gabriel

• "Jai Ho" from "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Music by A.R. Rahman Lyric by Gulzar

• "O Saya" from "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Music and Lyric by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam

Best motion picture of the year

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.) A Kennedy/Marshall Production

  Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall and Ceán Chaffin, Producers

• "Frost/Nixon" (Universal) A Universal Pictures, Imagine Entertainment and Working Title Production

  Brian Grazer, Ron Howard and Eric Fellner, Producers

• "Milk" (Focus Features) A Groundswell and Jinks/Cohen Company Production

  Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen, Producers

• "The Reader" (The Weinstein Company) A Mirage Enterprises and Neunte Babelsberg Film GmbH Production

  Nominees to be determined

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight) A Celador Films Production

  Christian Colson, Producer

Best animated short film

• "La Maison en Petits Cubes" A Robot Communications Production

  Kunio Kato

• "Lavatory - Lovestory" A Melnitsa Animation Studio and CTB Film Company Production

  Konstantin Bronzit

• "Oktapodi" (Talantis Films) A Gobelins, L'école de l'image Production

  Emud Mokhberi and Thierry Marchand

• "Presto" (Walt Disney) A Pixar Animation Studios Production

  Doug Sweetland

• "This Way Up" A Nexus Production

  Alan Smith and Adam Foulkes

Best live action short film

• "Auf der Strecke (On the Line)" (Hamburg Shortfilmagency) An Academy of Media Arts Cologne Production

  Reto Caffi

• "Manon on the Asphalt" (La Luna Productions) A La Luna Production

  Elizabeth Marre and Olivier Pont

• "New Boy" (Network Ireland Television) A Zanzibar Films Production

  Steph Green and Tamara Anghie

• "The Pig" An M & M Production

  Tivi Magnusson and Dorte Høgh

• "Spielzeugland (Toyland)" A Mephisto Film Production

  Jochen Alexander Freydank

Achievement in sound editing

• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)

  Richard King

• "Iron Man" (Paramount and Marvel Entertainment)

  Frank Eulner and Christopher Boyes

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Tom Sayers

• "WALL-E" (Walt Disney)

  Ben Burtt and Matthew Wood

• "Wanted" (Universal)

  Wylie Stateman

Achievement in sound mixing

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce and Mark Weingarten

• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)

  Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo and Ed Novick

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke and Resul Pookutty

• "WALL-E" (Walt Disney)

  Tom Myers, Michael Semanick and Ben Burtt

• "Wanted" (Universal)

  Chris Jenkins, Frank A. Montaño and Petr Forejt

Achievement in visual effects

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton and Craig Barron

• "The Dark Knight" (Warner Bros.)

  Nick Davis, Chris Corbould, Tim Webber and Paul Franklin

• "Iron Man" (Paramount and Marvel Entertainment)

  John Nelson, Ben Snow, Dan Sudick and Shane Mahan

Adapted screenplay

• "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Paramount and Warner Bros.)

  Screenplay by Eric Roth Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord

• "Doubt" (Miramax)

  Written by John Patrick Shanley

• "Frost/Nixon" (Universal)

  Screenplay by Peter Morgan

• "The Reader" (The Weinstein Company)

  Screenplay by David Hare

• "Slumdog Millionaire" (Fox Searchlight)

  Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

Original screenplay

• "Frozen River" (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Written by Courtney Hunt

• "Happy-Go-Lucky" (Miramax)

  Written by Mike Leigh

• "In Bruges" (Focus Features)

  Written by Martin McDonagh

• "Milk" (Focus Features)

  Written by Dustin Lance Black

• "WALL-E" (Walt Disney)

  Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon Original story by Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter

LIVE Barack's Inauguration

Video streaming by Ustream

Edward is Leaving Forks...

And he's coming to the PHILIPPINES!!!

**********************************
I can't help but post this! haha
**********************************

So while we were discussing the Clipperton Island Case today in our class, my friend-slash-seatmate a.k.a Daphne got really bored. Out of nowhere, she just blurted out..

"Edward is coming to Cebu."

"What? Who's Edward?"

"Edward Cullen.."

"Why?"

"Well, haven't you noticed the weather? He's leaving Forks. The weather in Cebu is much much better. And there's NO sun!!"

---------

She's right!
You see, the temperature is so low these days! And we barely get to see the sun. Our classrooms are airconditioned and most of my classmates are wearing jackets.. sumhow feel likes Forks.. or sumthing like it!

So ladies out there, don't lock your windows when you sleep! You might just be the next Bella. naks! And BTW, the whole Cullen family might be coming too, so watch out!

Edward is Leaving Forks...

And he's coming to the PHILIPPINES!!!

**********************************
I can't help but post this! haha
**********************************

So while we were discussing the Clipperton Island Case today in our class, my friend-slash-seatmate got really bored. Out of nowhere, she just blurted out..

"Edward is coming to Cebu."

"What? Who's Edward?"

"Edward Cullen.."

"Why?"

"Well, haven't you noticed the weather? He's leaving Forks. The weather in Cebu is much much better. And there's NO sun!!"

---------

She's right!
You see, the temperature is so low these days! And we barely get to see the sun. Our classrooms are airconditioned and most of my classmates are wearing jackets.. sumhow feel likes Forks.. or sumthing like it!

So ladies out there, don't lock your windows when you sleep! You might just be the next Bella. naks! And BTW, the whole Cullen family might be coming too, so watch out!

Do not Iron clothes on body.

Strange Facts:

(i saw these back in highschool and made a poster out of it for our school project. i think sa san jose na to. i used the frog chuva thingy strange fact. wala lang. right now, i am actually doing something else, and naay wait time, so from time to time, browse browse sa kog mga y hinungdan and share nko pud sa mga taong y mabuhat.)

The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. -- now you wish you were a pig!

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. --whatever happened to supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, they need gravity to swallow.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk. -- reminds me of the movie One True Thing but i think those were pears? sakto ba?

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. -- sa atua?

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself. -- dah! tunla lage kung ubhon ka..

101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.

------------------------------

STUPID LOCAL LAWS

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. -- incest?

In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. -- atai..

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. -- how would they know?

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. -- excuse me ma'am, do you have a permit to haircut? sakstu bah?

The state of Washington has passed a law stating it is illegal, I repeat, illegal, to paint polka dots on the American flag. --show the spirit of nationalism!

Two people cannot kiss in front of a church.-- adto mos likod!

All Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) are forbidden on Sunday. --whatever happened to family day? aw, day-off diay.. sa mga helper? d na pwede sa plaza independencia..

Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.--sa pinas kai dolphins.. ug unsa pa to?

No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas. --pag fishing mo sa inyung aquarium!

----------------------------

Strange Sex Laws

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

-----------------------------

Packaging Instructions

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
Do not Iron clothes on body.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID)
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
Not to be used for the other use.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP
Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX
Fits one head.

ON A PACKET OF SUN-MAID RAISINS
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?

ON A HAIRDRYER
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

ON A BAG OF FRITOS
You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)

----------------------------

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. (Yeah Right, and pigs fly !)

Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

Sources: HERE, HERE and HERE. Taas-taas sab ni nga joktaym...

Attorneys Questions

"Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" --dili, ireport pa niya. tawag pa gani xa 911!

"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" --baynte años!!

"Were you present when your picture was taken?" --ambot kai gi timer man to

"Were you alone or by yourself?" --limme think.. hmmm

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" --sure ko, mura'g xa jud to bai!

"Did he kill you?" -- ambot lang sab kaha..

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" --murag nagsikit na man to..

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?" --wala, nilakaw na ko..

"How many times have you committed suicide?" --limme count d ways..

Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were doing at that time?" --concepting? :D

Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls" --wala gani boys..

Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they do up also?" -- pagka maynglaki jud na abogado!

Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?" -- honeymun!

Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?" --based on my observation.. murag xa ang namatay your honor..

Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" --d ko palabot ani nga babae dah..

Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." -- unsa dai iayaha work?

Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." --dah! d man gud xa doctor, malay ba niya autopsies on dead people kai pwede sa lain pa jud?

Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral." -- daniel oral! bwahahah

Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" --halaka, mao ka!

Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel." -- asa man kuno ang fracas beh?

Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood." --hala, beri gud! kinsa man kuno ang dili mangihi beh!

Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the Autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." --mayra..

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his
first name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and
pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first
name!  -- basin chace!

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No. -- kita ang pattern tits!

Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. --haha, abogado lage, dili doctor! klarohin mo doc!

Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.  -- in fairness!

Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.  -- pwede, pwede..

Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?  --bitaw, before or after? ;p

Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.  -- suma nimo?

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present
information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.  --any unsa? mind?

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able,
for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone
also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.  -- i second the motion!

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?  -- nang isilang ka sa mundong ito...

Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was
a victim?  -- impossible crime!

Q: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?  -- gumising ka maruja!

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.  --my toes my knees my shoulder my head!

Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this
defendant?
A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that son-of-a-bitch,
and she did!  --sakspan!

Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.  --bitaw!

Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.  --pag sure ui!

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.  --eherm

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.  --bugua ui! 

Q: (Showing man picture.) That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?  --nah! asa man dai ko!

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A: I have only one, you know.  --congrats!

Q: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a
watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it. -- tumpak!

Q: At the time you first saw Dr. McCarty, had you ever seen him prior to
that time?  --kanus-a man jud imung gusto!?

JUDGE: I rarely do so, but for whatever purpose it may serve, I will
indicate for the record that I approached this case with a completely open mind.  --nindot sab ka dah!

Q: I understand you're Bernie Davis's mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?  --sakto ba naman na?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to
impact.
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the
immediate end of my right leg.  --hihi, ni gigglettes ko dah.. patagong giggle..

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? --kulba sab ni dah..

Q: So you were gone until you returned?  --the return of the comeback!

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid
question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the
next question."  --nangandam!

Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,
but can you describe it? --congrats!

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet. --bitaw, sakto man sab!


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