"Were you alone or by yourself?"

The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

Sources: HERE, HERE and HERE. Taas-taas sab ni nga joktaym...

Attorneys Questions

"Now Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" --dili, ireport pa niya. tawag pa gani xa 911!

"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" --baynte años!!

"Were you present when your picture was taken?" --ambot kai gi timer man to

"Were you alone or by yourself?" --limme think.. hmmm

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" --sure ko, mura'g xa jud to bai!

"Did he kill you?" -- ambot lang sab kaha..

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" --murag nagsikit na man to..

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?" --wala, nilakaw na ko..

"How many times have you committed suicide?" --limme count d ways..

Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were doing at that time?" --concepting? :D

Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls" --wala gani boys..

Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they do up also?" -- pagka maynglaki jud na abogado!

Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?" -- honeymun!

Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?" --based on my observation.. murag xa ang namatay your honor..

Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" --d ko palabot ani nga babae dah..

Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." -- unsa dai iayaha work?

Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." --dah! d man gud xa doctor, malay ba niya autopsies on dead people kai pwede sa lain pa jud?

Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral." -- daniel oral! bwahahah

Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" --halaka, mao ka!

Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel." -- asa man kuno ang fracas beh?

Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood." --hala, beri gud! kinsa man kuno ang dili mangihi beh!

Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the Autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." --mayra..

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his
first name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and
pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first
name!  -- basin chace!

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No. -- kita ang pattern tits!

Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. --haha, abogado lage, dili doctor! klarohin mo doc!

Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.  -- in fairness!

Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.  -- pwede, pwede..

Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?  --bitaw, before or after? ;p

Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.  -- suma nimo?

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present
information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.  --any unsa? mind?

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able,
for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone
also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.  -- i second the motion!

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?  -- nang isilang ka sa mundong ito...

Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was
a victim?  -- impossible crime!

Q: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?  -- gumising ka maruja!

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.  --my toes my knees my shoulder my head!

Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this
defendant?
A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that son-of-a-bitch,
and she did!  --sakspan!

Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.  --bitaw!

Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.  --pag sure ui!

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.  --eherm

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.  --bugua ui! 

Q: (Showing man picture.) That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?  --nah! asa man dai ko!

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A: I have only one, you know.  --congrats!

Q: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a
watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it. -- tumpak!

Q: At the time you first saw Dr. McCarty, had you ever seen him prior to
that time?  --kanus-a man jud imung gusto!?

JUDGE: I rarely do so, but for whatever purpose it may serve, I will
indicate for the record that I approached this case with a completely open mind.  --nindot sab ka dah!

Q: I understand you're Bernie Davis's mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?  --sakto ba naman na?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to
impact.
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the
immediate end of my right leg.  --hihi, ni gigglettes ko dah.. patagong giggle..

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? --kulba sab ni dah..

Q: So you were gone until you returned?  --the return of the comeback!

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid
question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the
next question."  --nangandam!

Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,
but can you describe it? --congrats!

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet. --bitaw, sakto man sab!


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