The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. -- now you wish you were a pig!
The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. --whatever happened to supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, they need gravity to swallow.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk. -- reminds me of the movie One True Thing but i think those were pears? sakto ba?
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. -- sa atua?
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself. -- dah! tunla lage kung ubhon ka..
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.
------------------------------
STUPID LOCAL LAWS
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. -- incest?
In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. -- atai..
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. -- how would they know?
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. -- excuse me ma'am, do you have a permit to haircut? sakstu bah?
The state of Washington has passed a law stating it is illegal, I repeat, illegal, to paint polka dots on the American flag. --show the spirit of nationalism!
Two people cannot kiss in front of a church.-- adto mos likod!
All Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) are forbidden on Sunday. --whatever happened to family day? aw, day-off diay.. sa mga helper? d na pwede sa plaza independencia..
Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.--sa pinas kai dolphins.. ug unsa pa to?
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas. --pag fishing mo sa inyung aquarium!
----------------------------
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. 
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
-----------------------------
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
Do not Iron clothes on body.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID)
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
Not to be used for the other use.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. 
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP
Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX
Fits one head.
ON A PACKET OF SUN-MAID RAISINS
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?
ON A HAIRDRYER
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
ON A BAG OF FRITOS
You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)
----------------------------
The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. (Yeah Right, and pigs fly !)
Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.
0 comments:
Post a Comment